Chuck versus Escapism
by JasonStlyish
Summary: This is an AU version of what happened at the end 3x12, after Sarah rejected Chuck. Chuck doesn't run off, or dive back into espionage, he just does something...not particularly smart, and everyone takes notice...especially Sarah. This is a Charah story.


**A/N:** So, this was another fanfic experiment. I wrote this hot off the press, on my iPad, almost a year ago, while being picked up from the airport.

I decided to post it finally, and clean it up.

For those of you following "How to Say Goodbye", and "Chuck's Wish List", I have more chapters written, that I have yet to post. I'm currently making sure that next stages of the story lines make sense, and flow properly.

Well, I hope you enjoy this one.

* * *

Morgan walked up to Chuck, a slight bounce in his steps, hopeful he'd won Sarah back. He couldn't wait for the chance to go to Italy and experience the fine food, no Buymore, the Sistine Chapel, lovely Italian ladies, so much more. This train of thought however blinded him from the defeated look in his best friend's eyes.

"So how'd it go?"

Casey with high spirits and his usual blank face walked up and asked the same question.

"Yeah Bartowski, how'd go with Walker?"

They both finally registered the sullen defeated look in his eyes. They weren't leaving Burbank _anytime soon_.

_...Aw man now I'll never see Italy...And chuck won't get his dream girl..._

_…__And there goes my chance at reinstatement…agh, poor Bartowski..._

"She believes I killed the mole. It's over."

Chuck looked at Casey, and while Chuck was too considerate to say it, Casey immediately knew what he was thinking.

"No way Bartowski, you can tell anything you like, but not the truth.", he says vehemently.

Chuck eyes dropped to the ground, and he slowly turned towards the door.

"I'm gonna go find a way to tell Beckmann I'm quitting."

Both Casey and Morgan were surprised by Chuck's final statement, but then again they supposed they shouldn't be. If there was one thing Casey had learned about Chuck, apart from how annoyingly emotional he could be most of the time, it was that Walker was central to his universe. It seemed that Chuck no longer felt that initial attraction to the spy life, the action, saving lives, and all that jazz. It seemed that with everything that'd happened with Walker and shaw, those feelings gradually dissipated, Perry being the last straw. He couldn't really talk to anyone about it. The only incentive he had left for this lifestyle was that feeling you got, when you know you've saved the day. Chuck was that kind of guy for that, but it simply wasn't much of an incentive anymore.

"Guess I'll never get out of Burbank."

Casey never should have followed Chuck that night, but the moment Chuck told him he'd completed his "spy test" he knew something was wrong. If he'd completed his test, that meant he'd completed his Red Test, which meant he'd killed someone. For as long as Casey knew him, Chuck was too forgiving and kind to kill someone. If Chuck had just killed someone, there was no way he could be as happy as he was when he gave Casey that gun. If Chuck had just killed someone, he'd be crushed and ruined. If Chuck was assigned to kill someone dangerous, he'd be killed for hesitation.

After everything he'd done for his country and for him, there was no way he could let Chuck die like that. Not only would it secretly deeply hurt Casey, it would piss him off. A man who did so much for his country, friends, and family would die. He would die just because he was asked to fight one of his defining characteristics: kindness. When he saw him that night on the tracks, he could tell Chuck was hesitating. Then he saw Perry go for his backup gun. Casey didn't think twice, and went for the kill-shot. He wished he could tell Walker the truth or give Bartowski the permission, but he couldn't risk prison.

Grimes broke his train of thought.

"Come on Casey, I thought you were a marine, you can't give up."

"This isn't war."

He didn't see the connection between something like love, and a bloody experience that would traumatize most men for the rest of their lives.

"Love is a battlefield.", he remarked, seemingly not ready to give up.

Casey grunted in affirmation. He'd never thought of it that way.

...

Chuck sank down on his bed facing the Tv, contemplating calling Beckman. Sarah, the woman whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the woman he downloaded the intersect for, rejected him for the final time. She believed the sweet innocent man she loved died with the bullet he'd fired. In a way he understood it. All she saw that night was him pointing a gun at a dead body, After hearing a gun shot. Then again, after everything they've been through, couldn't she trust even with something as serious as this?

He wondered if Sarah really saw in Shaw what he thought she did. Shaw was tall, muscular, classically handsome, adept, suave…Chuck was tall, but didn't quite apply to everything else.

Then again, with the way she responded when he asked her to come to Rome, the way she almost kissed him the night of the assignment, he wondered if Shaw was just an alternative, a man she could be happy with.

Oh how wished he could tell her the truth, but that would mean betraying Casey, something he wouldn't do. The spy life had now taken everything from him, his relationship with his sister and Devon, the life he wanted, and above all the woman he loved so much it hurt. As far as he was concerned, he was done with it.

* * *

Morgan now had a plan to get Chuck Sarah back. He would approach Sarah one last time and lay it all down on the line.

He would organize Casey and Devon to grab Chuck and track down Sarah, but first he wanted get something from his room. He walked down the hall and saw Chuck's door open. He wondered if Chuck was here. He went into the room to find Chuck asleep on the bed. He shook his body.

"Hey Chuck".

He didn't wake up, and he shook him harder this time.

"Chuck?"

He ran down to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and filled it with cold water. Doing his best to avoid spilling the water, one of his hands sealing the glass almost like a lid, he rushed back to Chuck and threw the water on him. He still didn't wake up. Something was wrong. He rushed over to Casey's, praying he would be home.

Casey watched Grimes rush over to the door. He opened it before Grimes even had a chance to knock. What did he want? He started babbling before Casey could say anything.

"Casey something's wrong, Chuck won't wake up!"

An answer to their unsolved question flashed through his mind that he didn't want to think about.

"He's in his room on his bed!"

Casey shoved Grimes out of his and bolted towards the 'Morgan door'. Casey quickly picked up on the things on the room he wished weren't present: a bottle of Johnny Walker, and three open containers of different pills.

_..No No No …._

He rushed over to Bartowski and checked his pulse— faint. He roared.

"Goddamn it Bartowski! Don't you do this to me!"

Tears began to travel their way towards his eyes. He grabbed chuck and threw him over his shoulder, and bolted out back the window towards his car. He threw him in the back of his car and ran around to the drivers seat. Grimes realizing the gravity of the situation jumped in the back with Chuck. They sped off towards the hospital. After perhaps breaking every traffic law, they reached Westside Medical in less than ten minutes. A couple of doctors looked questioningly at the abruptly stopped car. Casey jumped out of the car, opened the back door and plucked chuck out. He rushed towards the the entrance, and the doctors, nurses, and paramedics watching the scene began to understand the situation. Casey yelled at them.

"This an emergency! He needs to be in the ER ten minutes ago!"

A handful of doctors went into action and rushed over. Casey gently laid him on the ground for them to take. Grimes right behind, he pulled out a pen, grabbed Grimes's hand, and wrote the names of the pills and the Johnny Walker brand Chuck took.

"Tell them this is what he took."

Grimes nodded in shock. Casey began to bolt back to the car.

"Where are you going? "

Casey kept running and didn't face him when responded.

"Why do you think he did that moron!"

Casey vaulted over the hood of his car, and jumped back in the drivers seat. He sped off and picked his phone.

…_My god... He finally went over the edge... _

Chuck couldn't handle the situation with Walker, any of it. This shit couldn't continue. He had to come clean.

_"Hey Casey what's up?"_

"Walker! We need to talk! I'll come to you!"

* * *

The line went dead as Sarah sat on her bed. Casey sounded panicky. What they needed talk about was incredibly serious, because Casey never sounded panicky.

She looked at her phone to check the time- she had a while before her dinner with Shaw.

Their relationship wasn't all that great. He didn't seem to catch on to the little things, didn't seem to pay that much attention to her needs. The sex was...okay. He wasn't particularly passionate.

He was very much "mission first".

Chuck was the complete opposite of all of this.

_...Passionate...Sweet...Attentive...C..._

She stops herself from continuing with that thought process. It's just too painful. Chuck _was once_ the complete opposite. The moment she saw Perry and him, the evidence was just too real. He shot him in cold blood. That sweet, innocent, forgiving nerd vanished, the nerd she fell for.

What it all came down to, was that Shaw was something of a cushion. He was incompatible with her deepest desires. It was very much like her relationship with Bryce, only she now knew what she truly wanted. She knew it ultimately wasn't enough for her.

She heard a knock and went to see who it was.

Wow…Casey was already here. This must've been _bad_.

"What's wrong Casey?", she asks as she opens the door for him.

His phone rang. When he pulled it out and saw who it was, he froze and answered it.

"How's Bartowski?"

Whatever the person said on the other end clearly relaxed him. Wait? Was this about Chuck? What the hell happened? She began to panic.

"What happened with Chuck?"

He put away his phone and walked past her. She closed the door and he turned around to face her.

"We'll get to that, but first I need to tell you something else."

_…__.Ok…._

She tensed, not at all liking where this was going.

He took a deep breath and exhaled.

"He didn't kill the mole."

The new information made her shudder.

_…__But I saw him..._

"I did."

_Wait what? Oh my god...but..oh god.. No wonder he didn't tell me anything. He was protecting Casey!…Of course he was…_

Her knees weakened and she slowly stumbled backward towards the door, her mouth agape as the meaning of his words sunk in.

"He told me completed his test. I knew that couldn't be right. That would have meant he completed the red test, which even if he managed, he was too happy. That didn't fit. So I followed him that night. I watched as he had a gun trained on Perry. He didn't have the stones. Perry went for a backup weapon. So I did what had to be done. The kids not a killer, he's just not wired that way…unlike us."

She leaned against the door to support herself. How could she have been so blind? After everything they'd been through, she didn't bother to trust him, when he needed it the most.

Casey can tell that what he's about to say will send her over the edge, but she needs to know.

"He's in ICU at the hospital."

Her heart raced.

"Oh my god, what happened?"

"I don't know, but whatever he was doing he clearly wasn't thinking about his health. Found him with a drink and some pills."

She sank down with her face in her hands, and the tears she been holding back for the past minute or so came full force in sobs. He may have killed himself because of her... Her final rejection sent him over the edge, and it was all because of her stupidity...How could he ever forgive her? How could Ellie forgive her? How could _any_ of them forgive her? Once again she didn't deserve him. She was still a cold hearted, ruthless spy.

With shallow breathes she tried to stand, and succeed clumsily. She needed to get out of here, away from everyone else. She needed to be alone, escape the shame, pain, and angst. She began stumbling towards her suitcase. Casey seemed to sense her thoughts. He blocked her path.

"No way Walker. You wanna fix this? You need to be the first person he sees when he wakes up. I'll take you."

She nods silently, tears streaming down her face, sniffling, and lets him guide her out the door.

Casey never would've thought in a million years, he'd ever be the one to directly contribute to Sarah and Chuck's relationship.

* * *

She walked up the hall to Chuck's room. Morgan, Ellie and Awesome were all there, solemnly watching Chuck's peaceful form, Awesome rubbing Ellie's shoulders as she rested her head on his shoulder. They all stood because of something she more or less caused. She stopped, breathing heavily. Casey gave her a gentle push. She kept moving, afraid of how they would see her. Ellie saw her. She stepped out of Awesome's grasp and ran up to Sarah. Her face was red, clearly having been covered in tears not long ago. Sarah kept walking, apprehensive of what Ellie might say to her. Ellie swept her into a hug. She was pleasantly surprised, and returned the hug. They held each other by the arms sliding out of the hug.

"How is he?"

"He should wake up in a few minute….I just don't understand. I mean… he was distant, clearly depressed about his relationship with you…but he could've come to me. I don't get why he wouldn't have said anything!"

Ellie turned her head towards Chuck. The vitals on his monitors suddenly changed. He was waking up. Ellie and Awesome began to walk towards the door to his room. Morgan held back Awesome, and whispered something to him. Awesome looked at Sarah, with what seemed to be a look of sympathy and confusion. Casey gently pushed Sarah ahead, while holding back Ellie. Sarah cautiously approached the door, opened and walked towards Chuck's side.

Casey whispered in Ellie's ear.

"They need to talk alone".

His eyes met with Devon and Morgan's, nodding his head in the other direction, subtly saying "lets give them some time alone".

Sarah stood next to Chuck. She brushed his face with her palm and took his hand. Tears streamed down her face. As if on cue, Chuck began to open his eyes. As he saw her there was disbelief, and he blinked several times making sure she was real. She spoke first, her voice breaking.

"I'm so sorry. I should have trusted you."

He smiled. She was here, with him. He wasn't sure what she meant about "trust" at first. They gazed into each other's eyes lovingly. Their hearts fluttered. The room felt a little warmer. A jolt of electricity shooted through their bodies.

His memory returns, and his smiled disappears. Nothing's changed, she was still with Shaw, still thought he was a killer…still thought he wasn't Chuck anymore.

Suspecting the sudden lack of warmth was a sign of animosity towards her, Sarah averted his gaze, and retracts her hands, the water in her eyes reloading.

Then he remembered the first thing she said…_She knows! _His eyes widened, realizing what things really were. He sat up in his bed, stumbling a bit, the aftereffects of the hospital procedures still making both his mind and body…not quite lucid.

Sarah became alert to Chuck's movements, forgetting about her last thoughts, wondering if he's okay, ready to help him. Her hands hovered over the side of the bed.

He looked at her with his trademark goofy smile, the one she'd missed. She was confused. Why was he smiling? What reason did he have to smile right now? She smiled back tightly, unsure. Her hear rate picks up again, along with a another burst of electricity.

"Casey…He…He told you?"

She barely smiles through another round of tears.

"I should've trusted you.", she says again, her voice breaking again.

He leaned forward clumsily, and did his best to sweep her into a hug. She didn't think, she just met him halfway, leaning forward, holding him tightly, her eyes squeezed shut. She'd missed this feeling so, so much. She'd missed this feeling of warmth and security. She'd missed this feeling of love. Now that she'd felt it again, she didn't want to let go. The position itself wasn't all that comfortable, but she didn't care. For what she was experiencing right now, it was absolutely worth it.

"It's okay."

She sniffled as her eyes watered and released more tears, and she held him more tightly.

Chuck's smile dissipated, and he loosened his hug. Sarah met his gaze, which he averted.

She started to panic, wondering if he'd just decided she isn't worth it anymore.

He flops back onto the bed and stares at the ceiling dejected.

"I nearly killed myself…didn't I? I put you all through pain you didn't deserve."

His face scrunches up in exasperation.

"I shouldn't have done that. I should've…handled things differently."

Sarah was relieved this had little to do with her shortcomings. She took his hand. He was too hard on himself sometimes.

"Chuck stop…you were in a really low place…Besides I know you well enough, to know you would never really kill yourself."

He finally looked at her. His frown briefly turned into a soft smile.

"Sarah…there's something I have to ask you…a really, really important I should've asked a _long_ time ago."

She breathed apprehensively. She knew Chuck well enough to know that whenever he asked something in this manner, it always had great bearing.

He took a breath himself.

"Sarah…do you love me?"  
The earth seemed to stop moving. Time seemed to freeze. The only thing that seemed real, relevant and animate was Chuck. She was very tense, feeling more vulnerable than she ever had in her entire life. She opened her mouth to give her answer, but couldn't seem to find the words at first.

He looked away, embarrassed and dejected.

She began to panic, well aware that this was an ultimatum moment in their relationship. It was a yes or no answer she couldn't escape.

_…__..What if my dad and everyone I've ever known was right?….What if it's too dangerous to give anyone that?….What if he hurts me again…._

No. This was Chuck she was talking to. This was the sweetest man in the world. He told her he loved her, and already more or less stated he wished he'd gone with her in Prague. She took a deep breath. She trusted him. Yes, she loved him. It was time to give it another chance.

"Yes."

After a second, he looked at her surprised.

"Wha…what?"

She smiled. After all this time, it was all in the air. She was free. They're were both free.

"Yes….Chuck, I fell for you a long, long time ago—."

She looked down briefly, happily remembering when they first met at the BuyMore.

"After you fixed my phone, and before you started defusing with computer viruses…so yes…you're Chuck…My Chuck…You always have been."

He smiled goofily at her. God she loved that smile.

Not wasting another moment, she climbed over the bed, and onto of him, her legs straddling his lower torso. She attacked his lips passionately, and he hardly hesitated to reciprocate. With her legs doing most of the balancing, she grabbed his hair behind his head, and he caressed her face. Their tongues slid over one another, hungrily fencing for control. Their moans were the only noticeable noise in the room…..until Chuck's monitor started beeping loudly in their ears, the lines of the heart rate display jumping high.

They pulled away from each other, both staring at it. Sarah instantly reached to the device on his finger, ripped it off, and threw it at the monitor. She started to return to their previous more pleasurable activity. However, for a reason she couldn't think of, he placed his hand on her chest, stopping her. She looked at him quizzically. Didn't he want this?

"Sarah wait…not I that I don't want this…I..I mean I've been dreaming of this for a couple of years now, but if we keep this up, I won't be able to control myself, and we're in a hospital room, with windows that are rather see-through, and a door that isn't locked. Further more, a doctor could come by any moment, and the guys could come in to check on me any minute."

Sarah sighed irritable, but not entirely disagreeing. Ellie, Awesome, Casey, and everyone else were basically right outside. She laid down on chuck, adjusting herself so that her head rested in the crook of his neck, her hand splayed on his chest, and her legs tangled in his. Chuck wrapped his arms firmly but gently around her. She moaned softly, content.

She'd _very_ much like to go and see if Chuck could be released, so that they could _at last_ in engage in certain…activities, but she was _far_ too comfortable where she was at the moment…in Chuck's warm, safe arms…finally_…_

Chuck looked down at her, suddenly a little worried.

"Uh, Sarah..what about Shaw.?"

Sarah's eyes widened a bit as she finally remembered that she's…suppose to be in a committed relationship with Shaw

_…__To hell with that…_

"Oh, thank you for reminding me."

He raised his eyebrows quizzically at the excited nature in he voice. She pulled out her phone and rolled over a bit to use it better. She went to her favorites list, and pressed Shaw's name, and put the phone to her ear.

_"__Hey Sarah."_, He answered in what was suppose to be his "suave" voice.

It sort of worked before, but she was…desperate at the time. The thought made her a bit disgusted with herself. It simply sounded annoying at this point.

_"__Are we still on for dinner tonight?"_

"Uh…about that Shaw. I've done some thinking, and don't think this is working out. We just aren't compatible. I'm sorry, I gotta go."

She hung up the phone, deleted Shaw from her favorites list, and put it away. That problem was now taken care of. She returned to her former position, laying on Chuck, and sighed contently, her eyes closed. She opened them after a moment to look up at Chuck. They shared a look of love and adoration, making them both tingle pleasurable.

"Where were we?", she asks.

"We were just..laying here."

"Let's get back to that."

She readjusts herself a bit, and closes her eyes again, relishing in every second of being in Chuck's arms.

* * *

Little did they know, that Ellie, Casey, Awesome, and Morgan were all watching outside. They all wanted to go in and see Chuck, but watching the lovely scene before them, they just couldn't bring themselves to interrupt.

Ellie squealed the moment she saw them in bed together. They were so, so perfect for each other, and it seemed like they finally understood that.

Awesome simply nodded, grinning brightly, his hand rubbing Ellie's shoulder.

"Awesome—there's no other word for it."

"Beautiful works too.", she remarked.

Awesome looked down at her and chuckled. She was probably right about that.

Casey smiled tightly, with a happy grunt. He doubted he'd ever admit it, but this should've happened a _long_ time ago. Of course, this also probably meant he'd be reinstated, not that that was the single driving factor behind his happiness.

Morgan couldn't be happier. His best friend got the girl at last. He reached up to shake Casey's arm.

"We're so going to Italy.", he whispered excitedly.

Casey threw his gaze to him, alarmed, and growled lowly.

Morgan jumped and retracted his hand, petrified.

"Uh…sorry…uh….heh, heh…nevermind."

* * *

Shaw answered his phone. It was Sarah. He smiled mischievously. He had the woman that killed his wife wrapped around his finger.

"Hey Sarah. Are we still on for dinner tonight?", he asked teasingly

_"__Uh…about that Shaw. I've done some thinking, and don't think this is working out. We just aren't compatible. I'm sorry, I gotta go."_

The line went dead. He was stunned. She just broke up with him. His face scrunched up in anger. He threw the phone across the room.

"FUCK!"

Part of his plan just went up in smoke.

* * *

**A/N:** As always, please review, let me how I did.

Please give me feedback on how it flows, the capturing of the charters and such.

Thank you for reading :)


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